Feeling Worthless.

It had been turbulent for the past few days, weeks and even months.
Had been feeling it really much these days.
Breaking down but i had to hold on.

i was surfing and i saw a current junior's blog...

but you love the experiences in njcsb so much more than just an syf result.

i suddenly remembered the Tribute we had for Mr Ho (which our dear bandmate almost wanted to name it: A-LONG Story).That was for the 30th year he's been with njcsb.

When i thought of this, i couldn't help it but yeah... totally let go of all my guards and emotions.
Then i thought i was weak. BUT he believed in me.

The strength in me.

Then I remembered the day when i called him on the public phone. He told me that I can do it.

The day before I accepted the position, he told me again I am strong enough to face it.

The days when we were chasing the medal, he told me I am strong enough to stand infront of the whole band.

To brave all odds together, as a band.

The times when I feel really lousy with the planning, he was there to say it was lousy planning and I learnt it all. Not the hard way but the honest and practical way.

The day when I handover my position, the last hug like I was never going to see him again. I knew I had a lot to say to him then. Even up till today i still have a lot to say.

I donno why I am saying this.
But I m obviously feeling guilty in some ways.
I’m so weak now.
That I feel im not even worth it for those memories.