Its just the beginning...

Even though this is the last event of our band's calendar, it is actually just the beginning...

Was talking to DS the previous night about whether we are pushing the kids too fast and too much that they really can't take it... Sometimes i really can't bear to see them struggle so much and disappoint themselves in the end... Was at the brink of giving up but i guess DS did convince me about the learning experience must start somewhere and that it will be painful... especially at this stage. But sometimes i think its too painful for some really passionate ones... and it gets off so lightly for some bo chup ones... well... and with so much stuffs next yr and struggles with studies will never be easy in our college... so im landed in the dilemma of making certain decisions.

i donno but there are pple who are waiting to see us flop in this concert.
Jeer at us and say... don't give urself so much trouble next time... it is not worth it. Even though pple don't say it but attitudes are obvious... There are sucky systems that are not supportive at all... there are many factors that act against us every time and again. Consensus too does matters. How can i expect the band to function effectively when we have different stands altogether.

& DS's qn about whether to continue the new brand of education or to let it be did zonk me into some thinking space... i knew deep down i wouldn't be able to let it be even though things are alwiz against us... but on the other hand being jaded is dangerous as well. We really need to sit down and discuss things properly together... sometimes im just tired. tired of explanations. tired of making decisions and being qned at. tired of being the one cultivating the wrong attitudes. just tired.

i just needed some time off.
Time off to think. or rather not to think of anything.
Let things be for the moment.
We've said what we should.
We've done what we should.
What's left is up to each and everyone of them.

And they did it.
Our first xmas concert.
We all knew where we tripped and where we did well.
All we need to do from now is to digest and learn.
We must learn.

i'm thankful of the endless crapping/complainings/discussions with DS, bashful ranting with ASH, countless smiles from the kids and some anxiety to show that they care. Also my family who tolerated my moodswings at home, and some colleagues who graced the event / smsed me to show their concerns...

i'm glad things are moving in the correct direction.
Hopefully decisions made by us will benefit the little ones.
i chose this job and i'm thankful...for all these challenges.

They will make it one day. i'm sure.
it's just the beginning.
Wait and see!